the growing distance between you and people you thought would stay
on change in relational dynamics and how to move forward
There’s grief no one prepares you for—the kind that doesn’t come with funerals or farewells but with distance, silence, and unspoken understandings. It’s the grief of witnessing distance grow between you and someone you thought you would always be close with. One day, the connection that once felt like a place of safety, refuge, and comfort begins to feel like another task on today’s to-do list, with an awkward hi, here and there or a “hey, just checking in” after liking their recent pictures on socials and realizing it’s been three months since you’ve checked in.
The philosopher Heraclitus said, “No man ever steps in the same river twice.” A reminder that change is the only constant and simply inevitable—yet somehow, we still cling to the belief that certain relationship dynamics will remain untouched by time and personal growth. Neuroscience teaches how the brain resists change because it equates familiarity with safety. See—it’s a common human tendency to cling to familiar dynamics, even when they have clearly run their course and no longer serve us or have become detrimental to our well-being.
The reluctance to let go stems from various psychological factors, including the comfort of the known, a fear of uncertainty associated with change, and our emotional investment in these established patterns. We may find a sense of security in the predictability of old routines and relationships, even if they are ultimately stagnant or unhealthy. The past can also exert a powerful influence through nostalgia and selective memory, where we tend to remember the positive aspects more vividly than the negative ones, creating a longing for what once was, even if that reality was flawed. This can make it difficult to recognize and accept that a particular dynamic has expired and is perhaps even beginning to have a negative impact on our present lives, much like clinging to something that has gone bad and started to "stink." From a higher lens, this slow, unnoticeable unraveling is not rejection, intentional separation, or ghosting (in today’s terms)—it’s redirection. It’s simple—when energies no longer align, subconsciously, distance will be created before the mind understands why. It may feel personal, but the truth is—it’s simple and sacred: people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime—and only time will tell.
It’s a slow, subtle—yet somehow sudden—realization. The person who once felt like an extension of your own heartbeat is now a stranger living a life parallel to yours, no longer intertwined. There’s no explosion, no dramatic fallout, just the noticing of the silence stretching further by the day. And with that distance can come a flood of emotions—assumptions about what went wrong, regrets over what could’ve been said, or sometimes, an unexpected sense of peace. You begin to see that not all departures are betrayals. Some are just the natural result of growth unfolding in different directions. It's not about blame. It's about resonance. As hard as it is to accept, sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for both of you—is to let go with grace.
Honor what was without needing to force what no longer fits.
Sacred Reflections:
Take a breath, place a hand over your heart, and feel into the questions below. You may wish to journal or simply let the answers come softly.
Who or what have I outgrown quietly, without a goodbye?
What am I still holding onto that has already shifted or expired?
Where is life gently nudging me to release, to open space for new alignment?
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With love—
Janelle Wisdom
