tending to your inner garden, part one: reflecting vs. rehearsing
Have you ever felt like life is stuck on repeat? Like you’re walking in circles, revisiting the same frustrations, struggles, or patterns? If so, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too—feeling like no matter how much I try, I’m still tethered to the same old stories, habits, and emotions. It’s easy to fall into cycles where we keep replaying the same narratives—stories we think are protecting us but are actually holding us back. And the thing is, most of the time, we don’t even realize it’s happening.
I like to think of the soul as a garden. Every thought, belief, or emotion we experience is like a seed we plant and nurture. Some seeds grow into beautiful, vibrant flowers, while others—well, they turn into weeds. Without realizing it, we can sometimes allow those weeds—old narratives and unhealthy habits and tendencies—to grow unchecked. They quietly choke out the life, beauty, and abundance we’re meant to experience.
In this first part of my Tending to Your Inner Garden series, we’ll dig deep into a powerful concept: reflecting vs. rehearsing. These two approaches determine whether we stay stuck in the same cycles or grow into the version of ourselves we’re envision ourselves to be. Let’s get to it.
Rehearsing: The Loops That Keep Us Stuck
Let’s be honest—how often do you replay a moment in your head, thinking about what you should have said or done differently? Or maybe you catch yourself second-guessing a decision because of a mistake you made years ago. That’s what I call rehearsing.
Rehearsing is like hitting the replay button on a scratched, outdated mixtape. It’s familiar, even comforting in a strange way, but it keeps us stuck in the past.
In What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, they explain how our brains are wired to protect us. When we experience something painful or stressful, our minds create patterns to help us avoid that pain in the future. It’s a survival mechanism. But here’s the problem: those same patterns often keep us reliving old wounds.
Here are a few ways rehearsing might show up in your life:
Staying in a job or relationship that drains you because you’ve told yourself, “This is as good as it gets.”
Doubting your abilities because of one failure, replaying the thought, “What if I mess up again?”
Overexplaining yourself in conversations because deep down, you feel, “I need to prove my worth to be accepted.”
These loops aren’t your fault. They’re often shaped by past experiences, family dynamics, or societal expectations. But while rehearsing might feel safe, it limits us. It’s like tending only to the weeds in your garden and wondering why nothing else is thriving.
Reflecting: The Key to Breaking Free
If rehearsing keeps us stuck, reflecting sets us free. Think of it as stepping back from your garden to see the big picture. You notice the weeds, yes—but you also recognize the space and opportunity to plant something beautiful.
Reflection isn’t about ignoring what’s happened or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about being honest with yourself:
What stories have I been telling myself?
Where did these beliefs come from?
Are they even true anymore?
Here’s an example from my life: For years, I believed I had to work twice as hard as everyone else just to be “enough.” This belief drove me to hustle, but it also left me feeling exhausted and unfulfilled. When I took the time to reflect, I realized this story came from my childhood. Success was tied to relentless striving, and rest was seen as laziness. But as an adult, that belief no longer served me. Reflection allowed me to recognize the loop—and start rewriting it.
Reflection can look like:
Journaling with intention. Write down recurring thoughts and ask yourself: Where did this belief come from? Is it true?
Slowing down. Before reacting to a situation, pause. Ask yourself: What’s really happening here? What am I feeling, and why?
Getting curious. Instead of judging yourself for past choices, ask: Why does this story feel safe? What is it protecting me from?
Reflection creates space. And in that space, you can let go of what no longer serves you and make room for growth.
Practical Steps to Shift from Rehearsing to Reflecting
I know this all sounds good in theory, but let’s make it actionable. Here are a few ways you can start shifting from rehearsing to reflecting in your daily life:
Catch Yourself in the Loop: Awareness is the first step. The next time you notice yourself replaying a situation, literally pause and say, I’m rehearsing right now. Naming it takes the power away from the loop.
Create Space for Reflection: Set aside time each day or week to reflect. This could be journaling or even going for a walk and asking yourself open-ended questions.
Reframe the Narrative: When you identify a loop, gently challenge it. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, I always mess things up,replace it with, I’m learning and growing with every experience. It might feel unnatural at first, but over time, these reframes help reshape your mindset.
Surround Yourself with Growth-Oriented People: Community matters. Spend time with people who inspire you to reflect, grow, and challenge old patterns.
Celebrate Small Wins: Growth is a journey, not a sprint. Every time you catch yourself breaking a loop or nurturing a new belief, celebrate it. Acknowledge your progress—it matters.
Cultivating New Growth
Tending to your inner garden isn’t a one-time event. It’s a lifelong practice of patience, compassion, and intention. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re blooming beautifully; other days, the weeds might feel overwhelming. Both are part of the process. You don’t have to uproot every weed overnight. Growth happens in seasons. What matters is that you’re showing up—for yourself, your healing, and the life you’re creating.
So, let me ask you: What’s one story you’ve been rehearsing that you’re ready to reflect on instead? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to support you on this journey.
Let’s Grow Together
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to dive deeper, I invite you to join my Simply Thriving Coaching Program. Together, we’ll reprogram your subconscious mind, rewrite old narratives, and create a life that feels aligned and authentic.
Let’s cultivate something beautiful, one step at a time. 💛
